Promises to Keep

I made a promise to my best friend to write at least once a week on my blog. Of course it's really a promise to myself but I made a promise to her to keep myself accountable. Thank you Lisa. She's an amazing person and an amazing friend. Promises. So many promises. I am paraphrasing a quote on FB I saw the other day from a friend who said that compromise (with-promise?) is to make everyone feel good about a decision except yourself. That's how I pretty much feel about my life lately. Aside from being annoyed that I don't have the quote correct, I have promises to people that I feel are pulling me in too many different directions. It all comes down to the promise of motherhood. The promise to keep your child safe and happy. To keep them comfortable. To try to shield them from hurt (well, we know if we are raising adults that there will be hurt, but not unnecessary hurt). A promise made to a man to love him and his promise to love you - forever. But what if that promise between a man and a woman, who's greatest achievement in life was to create this amazing little being, what if that promise is coming apart at the seems more and more everyday? What does the woman who made that promise do? What does that woman who is now a mother do? Where does that leave the creation b/t the two promised-people? The innocent one who on one hand is happy with her life and says out loud how much she loves her mommy and daddy equally. How she cries when her daddy leaves the house for just a while. Who's whole life would be turned inside out and upside down without this routine. But who's father drinks too much and is as much of a downer in the house as an upper? What happens to all these promises? The promises that started out linear and clear but exploded and has gone flying like shrapnel. How do I pick up these promises, gather them and keep them. Which promises do I break? Keep? Change? Who am I going to sacrifice with a broken promise. Not the little girl with the big blue eyes. Not ture. Whichever promise I keep - to me, to her, to him -- the one I try hardest to keep safe from harm will probably suffer the most.