Sudden Realization

I first realized I was an old mom when I couldn't read the instructions on the little bottle of Children's Tylenol. My daughter was about 9 months old and I guess up until then I was in denial about me getting older. However, when your child is sick and you need to take care of them, winging it without reading label instructions is not the time for ego - it is time to take action and purchase reading glasses from CVS. That crisis over, (child recovered fully without overdosing) it was time for me to do some examining of my life.
I always looked young. Always. Not "hot" young, but young. I didn't like this for a long time because I never felt I was taken seriously by people my own age. I heard countless times "Well, you look really young, but when you talk I can tell you're older." Gee thanks. That helps alot with first impressions when I'm with my gorgeous friends at the bar...I also heard so often that I could tell when someone I just met was going to say it: "Oh, honey, you'll be so glad you look young when you're 40 and look 25." And so it was. I turned 40 and because I looked young, I felt young. I was married, had a nice house, a good job, and was fairly athletic. I mountain biked, exercised, worked at a weight loss company that helped keep me on the straight and narrow and I was generally happy. Except every time one of my friends became pregnant. They were and I wasn't...but that's another blog.
Forty came and it except for the number, life didn't really change. I didn't feel older, didn't look older. Someone I worked with one day did say something though that stayed with me...I was 41 and she was maybe 44. We were both looking at the tiny invoice numbers and I could still see them but she had whip out 'those' glasses and said "You think it's forty you have to worry about, but wait till you're about 43" Nope, not gonna happen to me. I look young. I AM young. I got pregnant the old-fashioned way at 42. Even my story is pretty young and healthy sounding. I was training for a 2-day bike ride for MS, biking 20-30 miles every few days and in great shape, when I found I just couldn't ride 5 miles without feeling like I was going to keel over. When I realized I was pregnant, age was only part of my worries. I was a high risk due to other health issues, so even the age thing was on the low-end.
My daughter was born with only 8 hours of labor, 3 weeks early, and she was PERFECT! Everything went along pretty smooth, aside from the first night home when I was afraid to put her down in the bassinet for fear of crib death. After 3 months, she slept through the night and I went back to work part time, lost my baby weight and then some - down to the weight I wanted to be for 15 years (don't hate me ladies, you should see me now). Things were wonderful, until I hit that slippery slope with the Children's Tylenol Instructions. That was almost 4 years ago. I was just about to turn 44 at the time. Now I sit here and wonder what the hell happened. What's hard is the turning older thing happened at the same time I became a mom. I do think it's coincidence to a degree. I don't think motherhood itself makes you old. But I have a daughter who won't nap but I do. My body has aches that are not from a lack of exercise - but that too. My little girl is experiencing her first spring on a two-wheel (with training wheels) bike - a day that her mom has looked forward to since she was born and sang The Wheels on The Bike, instead of the bus. I don't think however, we'll be taking part in family mountain bike weekends. But, as a mom, I see that gleam in her eye she has when she rides - the same one I had since the days I used to pretend I was Evil Kenieval. Am not to old to show her how much I love her. And I do, maybe because I am older, I tell her and show her How Much she is loved every day. Will I be here in 30 years? I certainly hope so. But just in case, she knows I'm here now and in her heart forever.